in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
