Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Randomize
