hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
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