You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
