If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
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