You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
