I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
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