I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
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