Apparently you make a good broom.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
