I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
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