How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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