this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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