the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
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