Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize
