the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
