I skipped work to stalk him.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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