there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
