Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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