he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Randomize
