Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Randomize
