It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Randomize
