Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
