youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
