remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
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