u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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