The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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