Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
they need to just BURY HIM!
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
