its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
