I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
babies were throwing up all over the place
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Randomize
