Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
