The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
