My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Randomize
