No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize