you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
i would one night stand the shit outta him
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
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