He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
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