i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
