So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
