oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize
