you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Randomize
