it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
