farters have to be the big spoon...
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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