Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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