What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
