Fine. I'll sleep in my office
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
