First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Randomize
