So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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