When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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