I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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