so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize
