the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Randomize
