o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
