Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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