Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Randomize
