She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
