the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Randomize
