Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
