this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
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