it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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