i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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