He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Randomize
