So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Life is so much better after having sex.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
