It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Randomize
