She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Randomize
