I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
