She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
