My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
