I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Randomize
