I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Randomize
