i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
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