I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
