apparently the secret to your success is patron
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
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